Group chats are like fun parties with attractive people—journalists don’t belong.
Why anti-racist literature is just like soggy avocado toast.
White House reporters embrace performative outrage.
Democrats rebrand by making fun of disabled people.
Mr. Secretary and Team,
At your request, we have successfully converted a Space-Based Hurricane Conductor (on loan from the Jewish Confederacy of Weather Control) into a USSF Thermal Radiation and Ultra Magnetic Pulsator (TRUMP) Cannon, formerly known as the USSF Terrifically Robust and Undeterred Maelstrom of Power (TRUMP) Death Ray. As previously discussed, the top-secret weapon will be available for use in next week’s decapitation strikes on Tehran and/or Ottawa. (See attached photo for reference.)
Yours cordially,
Biff Diddle
Ombudsman, Washington Free Beacon
P.S. Do not, under any circumstances, share the details of this conversation with China (communist), the media (dishonest), or my ex-wife (both).
What happened: Senior U.S. military and intelligence officials accidentally added a journalist to a group chat on Signal, the encrypted messaging app, while discussing the details of an upcoming attack on Iranian-backed Houthi rebels in Yemen. The filthy journo, Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg, perused the messages while sitting in a Safeway parking lot and (we can only assume) eating fistfuls of Lucky Charms and regretting his life choices. Then he wrote an article about it, which he may or may not have done if a Democrat was president, and people got mad.
Crucial context: The Atlantic is owned by Laurene Powell Jobs, the widow of Apple founder Steve Jobs. She has used her late husband’s fortune to fund Democratic candidates and pour money into various left-wing activist groups. Powell Jobs was an early backer of Ozy Media, the hip liberal journalism startup whose founder, former MSNBC contributor Carlos Watson, was sentenced to 10 years in federal prison for fraud. Goldberg’s wife, Pamela Reeves, is also a Democratic donor who worked for Hillary Clinton in the State Department and served as the “consulting senior advisor on gender strategy to the executive office of Melinda Gates.”
Be smart: This was a good reminder that no one, under any circumstances, should ever associate with a journalist. It was also a good reminder that the people in charge of our government are, generally speaking, rather inept. In case you’d forgotten, our last president was a dementia patient who assembled a team of “geniuses” to orchestrate the U.S. military withdrawal from Afghanistan, which turned into the most humiliating foreign policy disaster since the fall of Saigon. Thirteen service members lost their lives in the chaos. Biden retaliated by drone-striking an Afghan aid worker and nine members of his family, including seven children. No one lost their jobs. The Biden administration’s failure to deter the Houthis from wreaking havoc on Red Sea shipping lanes is the reason why Trump is bombing them now.
What they’re saying: Some people think Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth should be fired, while many self-righteous journalists are convinced that no defense secretary “would survive this in any other admin.”
Fact-check: Nonsense. Biden refused to fire his defense secretary, Lloyd Austin, who completely disappeared for several days without telling anyone he was being hospitalized due to complications from prostate surgery. The Pentagon’s inspector general found that Austin “unnecessarily” threatened the nation’s security with his secret hospital visit, as well as his refusal to relinquish command while taking medication that could affect his brain function. Biden wouldn’t even fire his incompetent health secretary, Xavier Becerra, who was widely despised within the administration and appears to have facilitated the trafficking of child laborers. Why? Because he was afraid to fire a prominent Hispanic official after making such a big fuss about having the “most diverse” cabinet in history.
Flashback: American Triumph: The Most Inclusive National Embarrassment in History
Go deeper: Government isn’t the only place you’ll find an alarming degree of ineptitude among people in positions of authority. Columbia University officials are in hot water after hosting a weekend Zoom call with faculty to explain how, despite university president Katrina Armstrong’s public comments about the need for changes to address “legitimate concerns” about anti-Semitism on campus, Columbia’s policies would “remain the same.” We know exactly what was said during the Zoom call because the people running it were unable to disable the function that generates an audio transcript of the meeting. “I am unable to turn it off for technical reasons,” a befuddled administrator bemoaned. Not a great look for the (allegedly) prestigious institution, which is facing the loss of nearly half a billion in federal grant money absent significant reforms.
What Columbia University President Katrina Armstrong Really Told Faculty Members About Changes the School Is Making
Noxious Performative Resistance: Liberal white women fear two things above all else: 1) Receiving insufficient public sympathy after complaining about the $22 avocado toast they had delivered to their home, and 2) Being hauled before Congress to explain all of the insufferable social media posts they made circa 2020 promising to “do the work” and educate themselves about the mattering of black lives, the legacy of white supremacy, and the righteousness of public vandalism. This actually happened to Katherine Maher, the NPR boss (and former Biden campaign volunteer) who once described Donald Trump as a “deranged racist sociopath” but who insisted this week that the taxpayer-funded media outlet was completely devoid of “political bias.”
NPR CEO, Who Called Trump ‘Deranged Racist Sociopath,’ Tells Congress There’s No ‘Political Bias’ at Taxpayer-Funded Broadcaster
Maher, the quintessential liberal white lady, struggled her way through a series of devastating questions from Rep. Brandon Gill (R., Texas) about the performative wokeness she expressed online. Gill highlighted a 2020 tweet from Maher about how she appreciated having the day off for Martin Luther King Jr. Day so she could “finally fully read” an article about reparations by the anti-racist celebrity intellectual Ta-Nehisi Coates, which argued that America was founded on “black plunder and white democracy.” Maher was forced to admit, under penalty of perjury, that despite her strong opinions about racial justice and reparations, she never actually read the article in question. In other words, she’s exactly like every other white liberal tote-bag snob who gets off on feeling morally superior to her fellow Americans. This includes all the racist nonwhite voters who keep fleeing the Democratic Party.
In a just world, every obnoxious liberal would be forced to account for their self-satisfied posting during that time of national insanity. That might have to wait until Trump’s third term, but in the meantime, we can all agree that it’s totally bonkers to claim a media organization run by Katherine Maher could possibly be unbiased or deserving of taxpayer funds.
By the numbers: Democrats are more than three times as likely (compared to Republicans) to say they “regularly get news” from NPR, according to a recent Pew survey.
Flashback: ‘White Silence is Complicity’: NPR’s New CEO Sounded More Like an Activist Than a Journalist in 2020 Tweets
The enemy of the people strike back: On the subject of performative outrage, the White House Correspondents’ Association has finally mounted a unified response (if you can call it that) to the Trump administration’s efforts to diminish the media cabal’s undeserved authority over the White House press pool and punish the Associated Press for deadnaming the Gulf of America. The brave journalists have decided to wear a First Amendment-themed pin while covering the White House and during their numerous appearances on CNN and MSNBC. If all those copies of White Fragility could succeed in ending racism, maybe this will also succeed in… whatever it is they are trying to accomplish. God bless these heroes.
Flashback: WHCA President Eugene Daniels Refuses to Step Down Amid Accusations of Incompetence
Democratic ‘rising star’ of the week: Jasmine Crockett seems nice. The Democratic congresswoman from Texas is desperate for attention and got plenty of it this week after referring to Greg Abbott, the wheelchair-bound Republican governor of her state, as “Governor Hot Wheels” during an appearance at the Human Rights Campaign Los Angeles dinner. (You can’t make it up.) “And the only thing hot about [Abbott] is that he’s a hot-ass mess, honey!” Crockett mused cerebrally as the crowd of human rights appreciators laughed and whooped along. She attempted to clarify that she “wasn’t thinking about the governor’s condition” but rather his “terrible policies,” which was about as credible as Katherine Maher’s claim that NPR is not biased.
Jasmine Crockett ‘Liked’ Posts Calling Abbott ‘Hot Wheels’ in 2021, Undercutting Her Explanation for Deriding Wheelchair-Bound Governor
Jasmine Crockett Attacked Black Republican for Interracial Marriage
Feel-good photo of the week: Palestinians in Gaza this week protesting against Hamas, the terrorist group that has ruined their lives.
Twitter: @AndrewStilesUSA
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