Nancy Pelosi, the first octogenarian speaker of the House and first member of Congress to have hip replacement surgery in Luxembourg, to retire after historic career
Nancy Pelosi, the wildly successful investor and power-lusting Democrat who made history as the first octogenarian to serve as speaker of the House, is finally calling it quits. Pelosi, 85, announced Thursday she will retire from Congress when her term expires next year. “With a grateful heart, I look forward to my final year of service as your representative,” the iron-fisted stalwart said in a video message to constituents.
Pelosi, who has represented the filth-infested crime hole of San Francisco since 1987, is best known for flaunting her imposing jugs at an Italian beach resort in 2022. Her other notable achievements include amassing a personal fortune of up to $400 million thanks to her husband Paul Pelosi’s exceedingly well-timed stock trades, and almost single-handedly prying the Democratic nomination from Joe (and Jill) Biden’s rigor mortis grip in 2024. That same year, she became the first member of Congress to have hip replacement surgery in Luxembourg. Advocates of symbolic diversity have also praised Pelosi for becoming the first female speaker of the House in 2007 and serving as party leader for 15 years.
Though often celebrated as a shrewd leader capable of bending Democrats to her will, Pelosi failed to persuade party leaders that an “open primary” with multiple contenders would have produced a more competent candidate than Kamala Harris, who quickly locked up the nomination without a fight after Biden withdrew. Pelosi’s most notorious act of congressional arm-twisting came in 2010, when she orchestrated a series of back-room deals culminating in the passage of the so-called Affordable Care Act, also known as “Obamacare.” She famously implored Congress to pass the bill so the American people could “find out what is in it.” Later that year, Democrats suffered the worst midterm loss for a president’s party since 1938.
Pelosi, sometimes referred to as “Crazy Nancy,” distinguished herself during the first Trump administration by presiding over two meaningless impeachment votes, and by ripping up a copy of the president’s speech during his 2020 State of the Union Address. During the so-called unpleasantness of the Jan. 6, 2021, gathering at the U.S. Capitol, her speaker’s gavel was allegedly stolen and was never recovered. Former U.S. Capitol Police chief Steven Sund has blasted Pelosi for denying his request for National Guard assistance in the days leading up to the infamous rally.
Crazy Nancy stepped down from party leadership in 2022 after recording few noteworthy achievements under President Biden. That same year, Pelosi’s husband was attacked by one of the many deranged vagrants wandering the streets of San Francisco. Her long-awaited exit from Congress is significant in part because it will slightly reduce the average age of the House Democratic Caucus; several of Pelosi’s octogenarian colleagues are running for reelection.
“The retirement of Nancy Pelosi is a great thing for America,” President Donald Trump wrote in response to the news. “She was evil, corrupt, and only focused on bad things for our country.”
In other words: Happy trails, you insufferable broad.
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