Hasan Piker, left-wing streamer best known for hating dogs and America, beguiles regime authorities by simping for China
Hasan Piker, the dog-abusing left-wing edgelord who identifies as a “swagged out white boy,” cowered pathetically on Tuesday when Chinese authorities disrupted his pilgrimage to the communist backwater. Livestream viewers gawked as Piker’s giddy persona gave way to trembling panic as regime security officers approached his entourage near Tiananmen Square, the site of the notorious massacre. Mercifully for Piker, the livestream was swiftly terminated; loyal fans were unable to witness his inevitable groveling in the face of authority.
Moments before the embarrassing confrontation with communist authorities, Piker was seen goofing around with Will Neff, a banking scion turned anti-capitalist influencer. Neff, who captained the squash team at the prestigious Blair Academy (annual tuition: $78,980), was holding up his phone to show off an epic AI-created meme of Piker’s face on the body of Mao Zedong. This caught the attention of the ChiCom thugs, who rushed over to investigate. Neff quivered in fear and attempted to hide his phone. The broadcast abruptly cut off after an officer demanded to see the footage.
The livestream resumed after Piker was able to settle his nerves and revive his smirking frat boy affectation. “This is awesome,” he squealed while fidgeting with his yellow Adidas track jacket. “They’ve never seen a swagged out white boy like me before.” Indeed, the regime authorities were understandably confounded to discover a group of dim-witted Americans openly professing their love for Chairman Mao and his exterminatory social policies. Most normal Americans are less inclined to glorify China, a country that treats dogs almost as poorly as Piker treats his own.
“Like, like, I just don’t, like, I, I’m not—I don’t have any sort of patriotism in my heart … for America,” Piker eloquently declared before watching the ceremonial flag-raising at sunrise near Mao’s portrait at the Tiananmen gate. He marveled at the “pride” of the older Chinese subjects who were fortunate enough to experience a “radical transformation in their lifetimes unlike any other country.” Piker was likely referring to Mao’s left-wing policies that resulted in tens of millions of deaths.
At one point, Piker wondered why the lurking police officers were equipped with fire extinguishers. An informed person would have deduced that the authoritarian regime was eager to stop its brutalized citizens from self-immolating in protest. Later, the group of internet celebs perused a local gift shop’s extensive collection of communist trinkets.
Liu He, a research fellow at Stanford University’s Hoover Institution, was not impressed by Piker’s performance. “Foreigners are finally beginning to see a reality the Chinese are intimately familiar with day in, day out, and have long attained a skin-level understanding of,” he wrote on X. “Not only is there no freedom to criticize the government of China; people don’t even have the freedom to praise China.”
Piker, who celebrated Zohran Mamdani’s (D.) election as mayor of New York City by lamenting America’s Cold War victory over the Soviet Union, continued streaming from his hotel, where he fought back tears while defending the ChiCom goons who seized his comrade’s phone. “They didn’t realize we were swagged out white boys who love China,” Piker explained. “They were being extra attentive to make sure that, you know, no one is, uh, you know, making fun of Mao or anything like that.”
Critics highlighted the vast difference in Piker’s approach to interacting with American authorities. One user resurfaced a video of a friendly police officer greeting Piker at a market in Los Angeles. The influencer waited until the officer was out of earshot, laughing quietly to himself while whispering “ACAB,” shorthand for, “All Cops Are Bastards.”
In addition to loving Red China and its authoritarian speech police, Piker is also a toxic anti-Semite who has argued landlords should be mass-slaughtered until “the streets soak in their red, capitalist blood.” Although he claimed that the United States “deserved” to be attacked on 9/11—and made many other heinous remarks—Piker has been openly embraced by the Pod Save America bros and other mainstream elements of the Democratic Party.
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