It’s bigger than Obama’s, obviously, plus more beautiful and engaging in every respect
We got our first glimpse this week of the plans for Donald Trump’s presidential library in Miami. It’s going to be a massive tower on prime waterfront real estate. It looks pretty cool and American—unlike former president Barack Obama’s concrete monstrosity, which looks like a Soviet-era alien temple.
“It’s gonna be most likely a hotel, you know?” Trump told reporters in the Oval Office. “This concept could be [an] office, but it’s most likely gonna be a hotel with a beautiful building underneath and a 747 Air Force One in the lobby.”
Liberals are already sobbing with jealousy and outrage. They are going to be even more inconsolable when they hear what else Trump is planning to include in his fabulous library resort, according to our exclusive sources.
Hillary R. Clinton Memorial Hall of Losers: Visitors will have the opportunity to pay $299 (per half-hour period) to peruse this heartwarming exhibit dedicated to the many individuals Trump has vanquished throughout his political career. Details have yet to be finalized, but sources expect the hall to include marble or bronze busts of the followings losers:
— Rand Paul
— Hillary Clinton
— Bill Clinton
— Evan McMullin
— James Comey
— Andrew McCabe
— Michael Cohen
— Stormy Daniels
— Michael Avenatti
— Kathy Griffin
— Rosie O’Donnell
— Alec Baldwin
— Colin Kaepernick
— Ben Rhodes
— Brian Stelter
— Don Lemon
— The #MeToo Movement
— The #BlackLivesMatter Movement
— Fani Willis
— Joe Biden
— Hunter Biden
— Taylor Lorenz
— Kamala Harris
— Jim Acosta
— Joy Reid
— Jennifer Rubin
— MSNBC
— Justin Trudeau
— Washington Post
— Stephen Colbert
— CNN
— Joe Kent
And more! (updated weekly)
Hall of Corpses Presented by Polymarket: This section of the library will memorialize the terrorists and other bad hombres Trump killed or captured as president. Visitors will be able to purchase water balloons filled with heavy crude to hurl at former Venezuelan dictator Nicolás Maduro, who will be incarcerated here during peak tourist season. They can also view the remains and wax shoulder mounts of former ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, former Quds Force commander Qassem Soleimani, former Iranian supreme leader Ali Khamenei, and other anti-American goons who died like dogs.
Turbine Dungeon Presented by Chevron: Come face-to-face with the deadly consequences of former president Obama’s plot to destroy the American economy with green energy. For the low price of just $149 per toss (plus an extra $59 for poncho rental), visitors can throw up to 10 birds (maybe living, maybe dead, TBD) into a full-scale working wind turbine humming at full speed. The walls and floors of the dungeon will be replaced monthly and gifted as art installations to local public schools.
Shark-Themed McDonald’s Strip Club: Details TBD, but the venue is expected to feature tanks filled with live great white sharks, and strippers that are actually attractive. The entire restaurant will be staffed by Kamala Harris look-alikes, and will include multiple TV screens showing a compilation of Trump’s favorite Jean-Claude Van Damme fight scenes. The children’s play area will have a B-2 bomber flight simulator and a see-and-explore display documenting the alleged cosmetic enhancements of Bette Midler and Mika Brzezinski.
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