Thursday was a huge day for football fans.
Wait, no. Let me rephrase that. Thursday was a huge day for social media nerds and wannabe influencers masquerading as football fans.
You see, Thursday was a little national holiday called NFL Schedule Release Day, a time when 32 social media teams ride the wave of trends experiencing their 15 minutes of fame under the guise of informing their fans what the upcoming season looks like.
I wrote not too long ago about the abomination that was the Kansas City Chiefs’ sourdough schedule release soft launch, which they “rectified” by doing a QVC-themed schedule release (hey, kids, remember the ’90s?), but Thursday was the big day in which fans of every team got their precious schedule release video.
PAIGE SPIRANAC AND HER MOM STUN THE INTERNET, LANE KIFFIN’S INCREDIBLE SHOT AT OLE MISS & THE NFL DID IT AGAIN
And, like hamsters at a drip feeder, everyone lined up to suck down some of the dopamine being rationed out by their NFL overlords.
Seriously, anyone who got overly excited about this stuff sounds like a 15-year-old girl.
“OMG! Did you see Trevor Lawrence cut his hair?”
Admittedly, there were some cool concepts, like the Colts’ Simpsons’ video or the Chargers’ “Halo”-themed release (I guess they found their social media manager), so I can’t knock some of the production work that went into these things (not you, Jets).
Speaking of the Chargers, you know we’ve reached the days of “late-stage schedule releases” when people are actively anticipating what one team will do.
I couldn’t scroll on X for more than 12 seconds on Thursday without everyone predicting whether the Chargers will be the ones to make a Russini-Vrabel reference.
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Guys, it’s a freaking schedule of football games and we’ve turned it into Super Bowl Sunday!
By the way, getting excited about a schedule release even on the face of it, without all the pomp and circumstance of social media managers sniffing their own farts, is lame.
There are 31 other teams and 17 games in a season, and you know you’re playing everyone in your division twice. When you add in the fact that where you placed in your division last year determines the strength of your schedule and you’ll usually know which other divisions you’ll be playing, how many combinations would possibly surprise you?
“Oh man! We have to play the Colts in Indy? I didn’t see that coming!”
How? Did you forget Indianapolis had a professional football franchise?
Maybe I’m just speaking as a college football snob who knows everyone his team is playing years in advance, but I just don’t get the excitement.
WHICH TEAMS HAVE THE TOUGHEST STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE HEADING INTO COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON?
I found out Florida had a home-and-home with Notre Dame five years ago and we are still five years away from that series even being played (until they expand the Playoff to 84 teams and they cancel all Power 4 non-conference matchups).
September 11, 2032. The Irish are coming to The Swamp. Mark your calendars, folks!
Or should I make a TikTok with Ice Spice rapping every non-conference matchup the Gators have for the next decade with Steve Spurrier sitting on a throne in the background, nodding in approval?
ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!
The whole “social media schedule release arms race” is actually the antithesis of what being a football guy is, anyway.
Getting excited about games that haven’t even been played yet. What happened to “one week at a time” and “don’t look ahead?”
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Vince Lombardi is rolling in his grave as we speak.
Enjoy the memes and nostalgia bait, and wake me up when training camp starts.
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