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I bet you thought bunnies were nice, normal, cuddly critters — except for the vorpal bunny of “Monty Python” fame. Turns out, we were all wrong. According to The Associated Press, there’s a group of rabbits in Colorado with grotesque horn-like growths that may seem straight out of a low-budget horror film. Hide your kids, hide your wives and dig out your VHS copy of “Night of the Lepus.” This is a disturbingly strange reality of bunnies gone bad. It’s what AP refers to as a “mostly harmless” Shope papillomavirus, which causes wart-like growths that protrude from their faces like metastasizing horns.
Cute and cuddlies looking like something out of a Stephen King story is not “mostly harmless” in my world. I love this line from The Washington Post headline about the story: “They’re harmless, experts say.” Experts probably also ran away screaming, so I wouldn’t trust their opinions.
Understandably, the rabbits have earned the appropriate nicknames: “Frankenstein bunnies,” “demon rabbits” and “zombie rabbits.” Perhaps the virus or bug is also the cause of the myth of bunnies with antlers known as jackalopes. Or maybe they are behind the whole thing. In the meantime, I’ll stick to calling them Bugs Bunnies.
WILD RABBITS SPOTTED WITH STRANGE ‘HORN-LIKE’ GROWTHS SPROUTING FROM THEIR HEADS
2. Don’t say that! For the geezers among us (ahem!), we recall when strict parents would threaten to wash our mouths out with soap if we used bad words. According to Politico, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) is one step away from instituting that bad word policy.
The left-leaning political site wrote a piece about a new memo outlining 45 words and phrases party members shouldn’t say. It ran under the headline: “The ‘woke’ words Democrats should cut from their vocabulary.” This, after popularizing the same stupid terms for years.
The list reads like a bingo card for people watching a Democratic convention. Here are the highlights: “privilege … triggering … microaggression … body-shaming … cultural appropriation … the unhoused … birthing person … cisgender … LGBTQIA+.” There are others nearly as bad, but you get the idea.
Matt Bennett, Third Way’s executive vice president of public affairs, said they are trying to “get Democrats to talk like normal people.” Note: He didn’t say act or pretend to be “normal people.” He just wants them to talk that way.
DEMOCRATS URGED TO DITCH ‘PRIVILEGE,’ ‘LATINX’ AND DOZENS OF OTHER TERMS ‘ALIENATING’ VOTERS
National political correspondent Adam Wren added, “It’s worth noting that in certain parts of the country, a lot of people, especially now, do talk in this language and use the phrases Third Way recommends against.” Of course, he failed to mention that Politico is one of those places.
3. Travis and Taylor: I’d be remiss if I skipped out on the biggest global stories of our time. No, not the Middle East, Ukraine or China. I’m talking about the engagement of pop superstar Taylor Swift and Super Bowl-winning NFL tight end Travis Kelce. Leave it to The Washington Post to deliver a ridiculous commentary in a click quest. They ran this headline: “Did Travis propose to Taylor on the wrong knee? We went to the experts.” Just what the happy couple “kneeds.”
Readers know that I’m no Chiefs fan, but come on. The guy got down on one knee and proposed to his love. Shut up about the rest already. The article added, “Some eagle-eyed commenters (and we won’t lie, a few Post journalists) were quick to point out that Kelce dropped to his right knee instead of his left, sparking etiquette critiques.” He’s 35 and has 12 NFL seasons under his belt. He’s probably happy at least one of his knees still bends.
District of Chaos: Honest residents of the Washington, D.C., area (yeah, that’s asking a lot) admit that the district has been a disaster area for decades. We had the crack epidemic, Mayor Marion Barry, carjackings and more. Now, finally, someone is doing something about it — that guy on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., also in the same district. And the left can’t stand it. They scream, they stamp their feet … they call for statehood. Yep, you read that right.
The folks at The Nation just posted a piece headlined, “D.C. Statehood: Now, More Than Ever.” Author John Nichols criticized Republicans and declared, “Democrats must make it clear that — as part of the broader voting rights renaissance that must follow the Trump years — D.C. statehood will top their agenda.” Rewarding D.C. for decades of incompetence is certainly a party platform. Maybe a frat party, because it involves a lot of drinking.
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Slightly overdue: The phrase “better late than never” finally met its perfect test case. A family member just returned a library book to the San Antonio Public Library a bit late. The book, “Your Child, His Family, and Friends,” was checked out in July 1943. That’s around the time of the Allied invasion of Sicily — a mere 82 years ago. And longer, by a couple of years, than the median life expectancy. Put another way, almost everyone who was alive at that time isn’t now.
The borrowed handbook was written by marriage and family counselor Frances Bruce Strain. A family member included a note, according to AP: “The book must have been borrowed by my grandmother, Maria del Socorro Aldrete Flores (Cortez). In that year, she transferred to Mexico City to work at the U.S. Embassy. She must have taken the book with her, and some 82 years later, it ended up in my possession.” That library fine could probably pay off the national debt.
Even creepier: Former CNN anchor Jim Acosta managed an item more disturbing than horned bunnies. Acosta, in a desperate quest for attention, interviewed a computer-programmed avatar of deceased teenager Joaquin Oliver. It was all part of an effort to push gun control on an easily duped public. Given the rise of AI in recent months, we can expect a steady diet of computer programs claiming to represent actual people. Basically, the worst of the holodeck experience in “Star Trek” coupled with lefty scolds like Acosta. Max Headroom, here we come.
Hot dog! Usually, when you hear that expression, it’s one of excitement. Or perhaps somebody spotted Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, who won his 17th Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest by downing 70.5 hot dogs and buns. Not this time.
To the chagrin of all hot-dog-eating Americans, the AP reported that, “A truckload of hot dogs spilled across a Pennsylvania interstate” to begin the month. Authorities had to turn to a front-end loader to scoop up the slippery dogs.
I think “front-end loader” should be Chestnut’s new nickname. They sure needed his skills — along with a mustard truck.
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