First day of a new month and it’s a Hump Day? That can only mean good things, right? Mercifully, June is OVER. That felt like the longest month ever, didn’t it?
Gee, I can’t imagine why!
July is here, though. We made it. And we’ve got a massive few days in front of us. Long weekend. Our 250th birthday. Summer in full swing. We actually get football back this month.
ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!
Who has it better than us? Nobody. And hey! We even get a USA soccer game tonight, for those interested. Let’s go knock out some Southern Europeans, fellas!
Not literally, of course. Have some class.
Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps — the one where Olivia Dunne sends a message to all you fans who won’t leave her alone. Lordy, fellas, get a grip. Have an ounce of self-respect. Please.
What else? I’ve got the Caitlin Clark narrative taking a predictable turn (racism!), the viral German soccer fan fleeing social media (also predictable), and Wilson Contreras finally getting to hit someone last night after begging for it all season.
Trust me. As a miserable Red Sox fan who has suffered through every game this season, this was bound to happen.
OK, grab you some fruity red, white & blue mix drink to celebrate the start of our birthday month, and settle in for a Hump Day ‘Cap!
Olivia Dunne shows us what crossing the line looks like
Before we dive in, I’d like to ask the readers a question …
How does your town look this week ahead of America 250? I was driving around yesterday and noticed a couple different things in my town that I hadn’t seen before.
They hung a big banner on Main Street celebrating our 250th year. Someone pained a giant “America 250” mural along one of the hangers at the airport. I’m fairly certain 80% of the houses around town are flying Old Glory at the moment.
Heck, they even had George Jones singing the national anthem on the FM dial yesterday! True story. They just started the top of the hour with an old George Jones rendition of our national anthem. Amazing.
I’m curious if your town(s) look like this? I hope so, but you never know nowadays. I’d imagine a lot of it depends on where you live.
Extra credit for anyone that includes pictures!
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OK, let’s get this class started with Olivia Dunne hip-checking the weirdo fans who wouldn’t leave her alone at the airport this week:
More fan drama!
“Should women have to change their behavior because men can’t handle the word ‘no?’” Dunne asked while detailing her latest airport encounter, which included fans waiting outside her gate with giant signs and some, allegedly, trying to follow her into the bathroom.
“Last night, I didn’t feel safe at the airport. If I wasn’t coming back from family vacation, and my sister didn’t stop these people from coming into the women’s bathroom, then I don’t know what I would’ve done.”
Lordy. Look at that video. Imagine walking off a plane, which is already a miserable experience, into THAT pack of wolves. I hate flying, and I think I’d just turn right back around and go back onto the plane.
Do you think these people know how pathetic this looks? They have, right? Clearly, they’re just trying to make a quick buck by selling Olivia’s John Hancock, but it just can’t be worth it, right?
A quick check of eBay (which still exists!) tells me signed Livvy Dunne posters go anywhere from $100-$500. To each their own, I reckon.
I instead choose to spend my $450 on a used sectional couch from Facebook Marketplace, which we bought yesterday. Different worlds.
PS: purchasing a WHITE couch with two toddlers in the house was just an awful choice. It hasn’t been in the house for 24 hours yet and it’s already a mess.
Goodness, we’re stupid.
OK, speaking of dumb things, let’s check in on Indiana Fever head coach Stephanie White’s press conference from earlier today:
Freddy, Wilson & Maggie, oh my!
“Before we start with questions I just want to address what is going on with AT,” she said, referring to Alyssa Thomas. “It’s absolutely unacceptable. As a league, as a whole, there’s been so much more toxicity, racism, homophobia. Straight out nonsense. Hate-nonsense. It’s absolutely unacceptable. Most of this coming from the online community.”
Lordy. It’s happening, folks! The predictable narrative shift is underway in the WNBA. They gave Caitlin Clark six days. Now, it’s time to flip the script, and it’s right out of the playbook.
Step 1: Alyssa Thomas speaks for the first time since using Caitlin Clark to mop the floor, and pulls out the victim card.
“And death threats out on us, so it’s really unacceptable,” she said yesterday. “It is something that needs to change in this league, and I’m just really sick and tired of it.”
Check!
Step 2: WNBA commish Cathy Engelbert condemns said behavior with a boilerplate statement.
“The WNBA vehemently condemns any and all forms of hate,” she said.
Check!!
Step 3: Opposing team’s coach lectures America on racism and homophobia in three-minute statement to begin practice.
Check!!!
A tale as old as time. By this time tomorrow, Clark will probably be suspended and Thomas will be elevated to league president. And I ain’t kidding.
OK, let’s rapid-fire this Hump day class into a big night. First up? Speaking of things that everyone should have seen coming from a mile away, the viral German soccer fan, Freddy, that everyone was obsessed with last month?
He deleted his Twitter account yesterday because people got pissed when they realized this actually wasn’t his first time in America:
“Don’t worry guys, we’re still gonna enjoy our time here and obviously celebrate Fourth of July. Our route now is Boston to Dallas,” he said over on the much less-rigid Instagram. “We can’t wait to get back into the South. Just not gonna update on Twitter anymore because it’s just too toxic over there.”
I have no idea who this Freddy guy is, but I’ve been a little suspicious since Day 1. The guy NEVER shows his face in any of the pictures. Nobody knows his real name. He could very well be harmless. Or, you know, he could be a CIA plant.
Regardless, this was bound to happen. As former Red Sox manager Alex Cora always said before getting canned earlier this year, you take a job in Boston knowing you’ll eventually get fired.
Speaking of my Red Sox …
I love Wilson Contreras. I’m so angry he’s on this crappy Red Sox team, because man, he’d be fun to watch at Fenway in October.
That being said … you can’t hit a nuke like that and launch the bat a MILE into the air and NOT expect to get chirped at the next game.
Like the Caitlin Clark and Freddy stories, this was always how this one was going to end.
And that, apparently, wraps up our Hump Day class on predictability. You’re welcome.
On the way out, here’s a predictable post about Maggie Sajak enjoying life with her new Banana Ball boyfriend.
See you tomorrow.
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OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
How does your town look ahead of America’s birthday? Email me at [email protected].
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