Taylor Swift will never come close
Kate Upton, aka America’s Sweetheart, made her final appearance at the Major League Baseball All-Star Game on Tuesday. She looked amazing, obviously.
Justin Verlander and Kate Upton on the All-Star Red Carpet 🤩 pic.twitter.com/tiiTeg8nSh
— B/R Walk-Off (@BRWalkoff) July 14, 2026
Upton was there to support her husband Justin Verlander, aka The Luckiest American, who was making his 10th appearance as an MLB All-Star. The Detroit Tigers pitching legend and future Hall of Famer has said he plans to retire after this season.
The Tigers aren’t very good this year, so Upton is unlikely to capture her third World Series title as an MLB spouse. Nevertheless, she has already cemented herself as the greatest WAG in the history of sports, according to the results of an exclusive Washington Free Beacon analysis.
Barring an unforeseen catastrophic rupture in the fabric of space-time, America’s Kate will be GOAT of the WAGs (wives and girlfriends) for as long as humanity itself endures.
Upton has been called the “Babe Ruth of MLB WAGs,” but even that undersells her greatness. She is the steroids-era Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, and Mark McGwire (combined) of MLB WAGs. She is to natural beauty, primordial magnetism, and athletic spousehood what Hunter Biden is to sexual conquest, and Donald Trump is to leadership of the free world.
The undisputed GOAT for all eternity.
God bless Kate Upton, and God bless the United States of America.
Here are a few of the reasons why we love her:
1) She loves America.
2) She loves the troops.
3) She loves her husband, who is also talented.
4) She looks good on a boat.
5) She looks good in a car.
6) She looks amazing up in space.
7) She looks amazing down on Earth.
8) She looks great in water, too.
9) She is gorgeous right-side up.
10) She is flawless upside down.
11) Formal.
12) Semi-formal.
13) Casual.
14) Athleisure.
15) Halloween.
16) She loves her uncle (former GOP congressman Fred Upton).
17) She stands up for herself.
18) She and Justin are way hotter than Taylor and Travis.
19) She remains eternally youthful at 34.
20) She’s one of a kind.
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